It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
