brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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