Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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