Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
