I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
