youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
