Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
