Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
