I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
