I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
