Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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