Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't turn off my feet"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
