no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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