You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
