I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
