I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
