I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
