Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
