How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
