He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
