he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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