i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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