the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
