Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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