I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
