well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
