eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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