You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm both gender and math confused
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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