its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
