are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
