Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
