Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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