U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
