It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
