My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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