I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
