everyone is single if you try hard enough
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
