u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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