i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you would pick up someone in the library
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
