dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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