When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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