Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
