i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
