Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
