Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
