If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
