That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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