what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
