my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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