come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
